I'm a Googler. It's like an addiction for me--I see can see the legendary Bruce Dickinson exclaiming "Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription ... is more Google." The moment I meet you, I want to know who you are, not in real life, but according to the Gospel of Google. Are you even listed on the first page? Do you have the luck of an uncommon last name, or are you stuck deep in a pack of non-Mormon Smiths? I need to know before my relationship with y'all can be consummated. Tell me pretty baby, cuz I need to know.
I've Googled my family, myself (way too often), my friends, and people I've only heard of, just to gain some sense of knowledge. I could also talk to people to find out details of their lives, but I don't really LIKE people. They are troublesome, bothersome, and time-consuming. Better if they were all Google manifestations.
I write this tract, as embarrassing as it is for me, because I felt like I should soften the blow before I knock everyone out with my announcement. Despite all the Brian Wagner's in the world (yes, we are surprisingly common online), despite the failure of my efforts to top the charts all throughout my prolific days as a journalist for the Grantonian, Willamette Week, Portland Tribune, and the Columbia Daily Spectator, I have now, finally, FINALLY, become the ultimate Google destination for "Brian Wagner". Go ahead, try it, type in my name. I can wait ........
Impressed? There I am, numero uno, not just for a random mention, but for my entire photography website. Sixth and Seventh also for my blogging at Blue Oregon. Yes, folks, I am a loser, but at least I am a prominent loser. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the anonymous actor. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the computer coder. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the classical guitarist from my hometown. And IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the "experienced packaging professional and innovation leader with 18 years in the field." You can all eat my dust. Because there ain't no looking back now, no darling. Onwards and upwards into the Googlesphere. Today the top spot, tomorrow the whole first page!
Hahaha mwahahaha bwahahahahaha!!!
Sorry. Got carried away. Leave me a note. Maybe I'll Google you. Actually, scratch that. I WILL Google you. Starting this week, I'm going to present my results from my Google search each week--maybe you'll learn something new about yourself (at least, everyone else will).
P.S. If you search under "Biggerz", my nickname, I have 6 out of 10 on the front page. Take that other "Biggerz" imposters.
I've Googled my family, myself (way too often), my friends, and people I've only heard of, just to gain some sense of knowledge. I could also talk to people to find out details of their lives, but I don't really LIKE people. They are troublesome, bothersome, and time-consuming. Better if they were all Google manifestations.
I write this tract, as embarrassing as it is for me, because I felt like I should soften the blow before I knock everyone out with my announcement. Despite all the Brian Wagner's in the world (yes, we are surprisingly common online), despite the failure of my efforts to top the charts all throughout my prolific days as a journalist for the Grantonian, Willamette Week, Portland Tribune, and the Columbia Daily Spectator, I have now, finally, FINALLY, become the ultimate Google destination for "Brian Wagner". Go ahead, try it, type in my name. I can wait ........
Impressed? There I am, numero uno, not just for a random mention, but for my entire photography website. Sixth and Seventh also for my blogging at Blue Oregon. Yes, folks, I am a loser, but at least I am a prominent loser. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the anonymous actor. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the computer coder. IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the classical guitarist from my hometown. And IN YOUR FACE, Brian Wagner the "experienced packaging professional and innovation leader with 18 years in the field." You can all eat my dust. Because there ain't no looking back now, no darling. Onwards and upwards into the Googlesphere. Today the top spot, tomorrow the whole first page!
Hahaha mwahahaha bwahahahahaha!!!
Sorry. Got carried away. Leave me a note. Maybe I'll Google you. Actually, scratch that. I WILL Google you. Starting this week, I'm going to present my results from my Google search each week--maybe you'll learn something new about yourself (at least, everyone else will).
P.S. If you search under "Biggerz", my nickname, I have 6 out of 10 on the front page. Take that other "Biggerz" imposters.
posted by The Oracles @ 3:00 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:30 AM,
Ben A. Johnson said…
If you Google "Ben A Johnson" (with the quotes) I am the first four instances (including "I feel Lucky"). Without the quotes I'm 23rd. But of course, this is why my professional name is Ben A Johnson and not just Ben Johnson.
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